Getting to know me: Installment I

I've been trying to think of things to write about. I'll be honing my writing skills as I go. But I have just been dry on ideas of what to write about.

"Write about what you know", has been a recurring theme when I think about this. So, what I know about right now, is me. Conversely, I need to get to know myself better.

This is the first installment of an open-ended series on self-discovery. While it is specifically my own journey, I feel it could be a guide to others who want to advance their lives and raise their own self-awareness.

Here it is:

Here's something I've been contemplating lately:

Why is it that even though I am 39 years old, and have not gone to any kind of school in years, I still feel the need to address teachers and school administrators as Mr./Ms./Mrs. So-and-so?

I can understand that when my children are present, I want to address these people the way the children should. But I am an adult. I am on an equal level with these people. There is no reason I should feel subordinate. Yet, I tend to treat them with the same deference that I did when I was a child.

This is bothersome to me. Because at the same time, there is also the same underlying challenge to authority which was also there when I was young. This tends to bring out a certain passive-aggressive, adversarial attitude in me.

As involved parents, my wife and I work very closely with the school. Our oldest sons are challenging to work with at times. This makes it all the more important for us to keep an open dialog with the principal and the faculty at the school. However, in meetings with the principal and teachers, I still have this feeling that somehow I am the child with the issues by extension or something.

My boys are good boys. They have their behavioral issues. But we stay on top of things. We are proactive with the school to help shape the way they are dealt with. Unfortunately, I have perceived that my sons are at times singled out now. I've felt they have been held to closer scrutiny and called out for doing the same stuff other kids are doing. To blur matters further, they are extremely smart and they have strong leadership abilities. This makes it more difficult to know if they should be singled out as instigators or if they are being unfairly scrutinized.

My dilemma then is: I need the principal and teachers to know they have to be assertive and not give much leash to my boys. But at the same time, I don't want my boys held to an unfair standard over the behavior of their peers.

I think that my feelings of deference to school faculty is a hindrance to advocating on behalf of my children. And I wonder if simply addressing these people by their first names is a step toward commanding equal respect from them. Or by contrast, expect them to address me as “Mr. Musack”. It's not a power struggle. After all, the common goal is the education and healthy development of our growing children.