I have been so lax lately. I just haven't felt like writing, or doing anything at all for that matter.
I just haven't had anything I've wanted to say about anything.
I'm tired. I'm worn out. I'm going to be 40 in a little over a month.
I like to imagine that I'm immune to the internal kvetching that comes with turning 40. I like to imagine that age means nothing to me. "I don't feel old.", I tell myself and others. But like I said, I'm tired. I'm worn out. That feels like old.
So with the end of my 40th year on this planet fast approaching, I guess I need to surrender to the cliche of self-reflective personal evaluation. I apologize now to myself for doing this. Writing something like this goes against my non-conformist sensibilities. A mid-life crisis is also very cliche and over done. I'm having it anyway.
I've lived half my life. I've lived half my life in Wisconsin, I've lived 1/4 of that half of my life in the same city. I am feeling like I need change. Each winter gets worse and worse for me. I dread the cold and snow. I am truly at a point that I don't think I can take many more Wisconsin winters. I don't want to be miserable anymore. I'm not sure how my family feels about it. I'm sure the kids would be sad to leave their friends. I know my wife would be sad to leave her family.
I don't know. Can I find a way to cope with the cold? Can I do that for the sake of my family? Or is the question, "Should I?" Is it selfish to want to up root my family because I don't like winter?
Oh well. Just some thoughts. I'll leave more as the big four-oh approaches.